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Braves vs. Diamondbacks

These Cleats Are Made For Walking: Can Somebody Notice This ?!

Okay, here we are again. It’s the seventh Monday morning of the 2013 season and oh my god Jeffrey Scott Keppinger has still not walked through ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE PLATE APPEARANCES.

There are so many ridiculous things about this that are not being talked about nearly enough.

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Hiking With Ballplayers

May11 by jakemintz

As Jordan correctly informed the internet universe, I have been hiking all week. 85 kilometers in 4 days puts a toll on the mind and the body. As I hiked with my schoolyard compatriots, I thought about which players of based ball might be fun to hike with. Who is going to show me a good time out in the wild outdoors?

Bronson Arroyo

Every camping trip needs a poopface with a guitar and oh boy, does Bronson fit the bill. With his corn rows glowing in the fire’s light, Bronson would play me into a literal frenzy. His music style is perfect for a never-ending night as the embers burn long after dark. As long as he doesn’t break out any of his own music, Bronson would be a great, but dicky asset to any camping trip.

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Happy Darvish Day ! (Start #8)

May11 by Jordan Shusterman

Yu Darvish will start this evening against the Houston Astros. Last time Darvish faced Houston, he was one out away from a perfect game. Since it’s Yu Darvish and since it’s Houston, we can pretty much expect the same thing. So get pumped. Here are three professional Japanese hitters that had absolutely no chance against Yu’s four-seam fastball.

Ugh, kilometers, I know. That’s 97 MPH.

Part 7: ARE THEY RELATED ?!?!?!?!?!?!?

May8 by Jordan Shusterman

The Best.

Click here for Part 6.

MICHAEL AND DELMON YOUNG

These similarly terrible baseball players joined forces this year to bring defensive incompetence to the Phillies and have looked incredibly smooth doing so. While Delmon might lack the #class that Michael possesses, he makes up for it when it comes to weak groundouts to the infield and a polarizing presence at the plate. It really is hard to deny the moral differences between these two. they both appreciate negative WAR more than any other name-sharing couple in the majors and that has to count for something.

% CHANCE THEY’RE RELATED: 61%

EVAN AND EVA LONGORIA

I’m just gonna assume that one of their birth dates is a lie and these two are quite obviously twins. I also assume that their parents names are also Eva and Evan, and that they couldn’t be happier about the immense success of their children. Evan is often embarrassed about his twin sister, and doesn’t like talking about her. Eva tries her best to stay connected but Evan, being the stubborn brother, just wants to do his own thing. I don’t blame him. God Bless the Longorias.

% CHANCE THEY’RE RELATED: 98%

GORDON AND DAVID BECKHAM

Once referred to as “a right-handed Chase Utley”, Gordon has been less than stellar in his stint as a major leaguer. Gordon might have more career homers than David, but everyone’s favorite/least favorite futbol star crushes Gordon when it comes to underwear advertisements and Being Married To A Spice Girl. The physical comp is intriguing; they’re both about 6″0 185 lbs. There is long lost brother potential here, although I’d imagine if David was Gordon’s older brother, their parents would be kind enough to tell Gordon that he at least has some financial security once he realizes he can’t hit major league pitching.

% CHANCE THEY’RE RELATED: 44%

These Cleats Are Made For Walking: One Lonely White Sock

May6 by Jordan Shusterman

Happy Monday. I was really hoping that this far into the season I’d be able to open the FanGraphs leaderboards and see that no qualified hitters had yet to walk but

….oh hello there Jeff Keppinger. What’s that ? YOU HAVEN’T WALKED THROUGH YOUR FIRST 99 PLATE APPEARANCES ?!

*sigh* Meanwhile, Welington Castillo, Endy Chavez, Salvador Perez, Erick Aybar, Colin Cowgill and Luis Cruz all have one walk each, combining for a stellar 6 walks over 424 plate appearances.

Jesus Montero, people, take a pitch.

That Awkward Freddy Garcia Thing

May5 by jakemintz

So you get back from a 3 day trip on which you had no wi-fi or access to anything baseball related. Most of your life is the same. Same friends. Your belongings are in check. You generally feel the same. But as you sit and ponder, you recognize something is not right. Something has changed. Is it your teeth? No. Is it the smell of your bedroom? No. Then, all of a sudden you realize:

Freddy Garcia is throwing a no-hitter for the Baltimore Orioles against The The Angels Angels of Anaheim.

At first, I struggled with this. First of all, I thought Freddy Garcia was still on the Mariners. (What can I say? My mind is stuck in the late 90’s). Second, it was his first start on the Orioles. His “debut”, one might say. Debuts for old dudes are counter-intuitive oxymorons. Freddy Garcia making his Orioles debut would usually fill up the headlines on a regular day, but somehow it slipped through the cracks.

As I watched more, I realized that Freddy on the Orioles was a good thing. It was the melding of two improbable entities. When impossible comes together, wonder blossoms, sparks fly (whenever you smile). Freddy taught me a lot. He taught me that his age didn’t matter. He taught me that beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, genres. Garcia also taught me that change isn’t hard.

Life involves change. People say change is hard. But in baseball, a fastball is hard. A change is slow… stupid. And the only thing slower than a change-up is a Freddy Garcia fastball.

Happy Darvish Day ! (Start #7)

May5 by Jordan Shusterman

He Will Survive.

Yu Darvish will start today at home against the Boston Red Sox. Here are three examples of Yu Darvish getting excited about being Yu Darvish (among other reasons).