We don’t really know any Rays fans so we were stuck doing this entire list by ourselves. And by we, I mean me, Jordan. Jake formatted it like a month ago. That’s why it’s so late. Sorry! <3
System Quote: “Tropicana Field sucks.”
Rays Top Ten:
- Yellow Matt Joyce
- Greg Vaughn
- Akinori Iwamura
- Rocco Baldelli
- Jorge Cantu
- Jason Bartlett
- Evan Longoria
- Rafael Soriano
- Johnny Damon
- Scott Kazmir
Current Status: Available for purchase
Price: $12.99 + $3.99 Shipping
eBay Description: “Looks like a baseball jersey, wears like a tee”
The Tools: 6 derp; 7 awesomeness; 5 player obscurity; 8 design/color scheme; 6 price
What Happened to the Player in 2013: First, Matt Joyce played well. Then he didn’t. Then Delmon Young played instead of him. Then he took some naps.
Strengths: The only thing cooler than retro shirseys with silly color schemes are fake retro shirseys with silly color schemes. “Yes, Mom,” you’ll brag, “This is my yellow Rays shirsey.” You’ll also be able to convince your friends that the Rays were formed in 1971. Really absurd that the only player for whom this shirsey design is available is Matt Joyce.
Weaknesses: Fake time travel always pisses off the baseball gods.
Overall Future Potential: 7; elite design means huge ceiling
Realistic Role: 5; you’ll still struggle against left-handed friends
Risk Factor/Injury History: Moderate; there are flaws in this shirsey’s game
The Year Ahead: This beautiful yellow piece of clothing will continue to fail to represent any part of Tampa Bay’s history.
Wardrobe ETA: ????
2. Greg Vaughn
Current Status: Sold
Price: $4.99 + $4.99 Shipping
eBay Description: “Some cracking in the printed logo/numbers. Awesome shirt at a great price!”
The Tools: 6 derp; 5 awesomeness; 6 player obscurity; 6 design/color scheme; 6+ price
What Happened to the Player in 2013: It was the 10th anniversary of Greg Vaughn not playing professional baseball. Greg’s SON, Cory, hit .267/.346/.424 at Double-A Binghamton. Yeah. Also, holy shit, Greg Vaughn hit 50 home runs in 1998 and hit more home runs in his career than Luis Gonzalez and other good baseball players. Good for you, Greg Vaughn.
Strengths: He’s Mo Vaughn’s cousin. Also, this was awesome: “In 1999, he became the only player in major league history to be traded after a 50-homer season when the Padres traded him to the Cincinnati Reds. Vaughn’s arrival in Cincinnati caused a bit of a controversy with club ownership and their no facial hair policy. Vaughn styled a goatee that he really didn’t want to remove. Fans urged owner Marge Schott to lift the long standing policy that had been in place since 1967 which she eventually did. On the field, he hit 45 homers and became the second player in major league history to hit 40 or more homers in consecutive seasons with two different teams.” (Wikipedia)
Weaknesses: He’s not Mo Vaughn.
Overall Future Potential: 6; still a Vaughn
Realistic Role: 5; still not Mo Vaughn, or Greg Vaughan from General Hospital
Risk Factor/Injury History: Low; we’ve discussed guys named Greg on the podcast
The Year Ahead: Presumably his son will continue to play minor league baseball while he continues to not be eligible for the Hall of Fame anymore :(
Wardrobe ETA: 1998