How To Eat Fried Piwnica-Worms

by jakemintz

As you might know, we enjoy going to Hagerstown Suns games. They are the Low-A affiliate of the Washington Nationals. There is a fantastically awesome outfielder on their current roster named Will Piwnica-Worms. No, seriously.

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Twas a glorious book from our childhood and was later turned into a movie. It’s How To Eat Fried Piwnica-Worms.

 

 

Thoughts on the Final Vote Leaders

by Andrew Meyer

So, after a day and some change of voting, we know who our early leaders for the Final Vote for the All-Star Game are.

IN THE AL BATTLE OF THE SET-UP WE HAVE CHOSEN TO RAISE THE BAR.

RAISE THE BAR

AND IN THE NL WE OBVIOUSLY CHOSE YASIEL PU…… WHAT THE HELL FREDDIE FREEMAN IS WINNING ?!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE #BARVES FANS? YOU HAVE AWOKEN THE BEAST.

PUIGZILLA

THERE IS NO STOPPING HIS CONQUEST AND REIGN OF TERROR. HE WILL GO UNTIL ALL LIFE IS LONG GONE IN THE PUIGIVERSE, ALL BECAUSE YOU FAIL TO ACCEPT OUR NEW CUBAN OVERLORD.

First Attempt At Podcast: Welcome To Clinton

by jakemintz

Errybody got a podcast now. We gave it a shot and previewed our trip through Clinton, Iowa. There are some curse words in there and there might be some vulgar discussion about Twins prospect Jose Berrios so be warned. We also talk about Tyler Pike, Byron Buxton’s dad, The Dome of The Rock, and Smush McGinty. Musical guest is gmcfosho singing Imdabes. Let us know what you think.

THE LINK IS HERE <———

A New and Improved Mount Rushmore

by jakemintz

In our last trip to Hagerstown, we watched diminutive second base prospect Tony Renda play the game of baseball. Renda, a part of the Nationals organization, has a healthy crop of players ahead of him at his position. Potentially including top prospect Anthony Rendon. We quickly realized: Rendon renders Renda useless. One thing lead to another and…

…here we have the most beautiful Mount Rushmore you could possible recreate. Tony Renda, Anthony Rendon, Tigers “closer” Bruce Rondon, and the top prospect for the 2014 draft, left-hander Carlos Rodon.

Basically, RDNROENDRONDOENRODNEONRNDENODNENDNDNEORNDNENRN. 

The 25 Greatest Finds of the Clearance Rack at SportsWorld

by Jordan Shusterman

We went to the Cubs-Angels game last night at Wrigley Field. While the game was a lot of fun, and Alfonso Soriano is happy and amazing, the real gem of the night was the SportsWorld shop across the street from the stadium. We headed straight to the clearance section because we had no interest in buying a $200 Darwin Barney jersey or any other legit Cubs apparel. What we found was better than anything we could have possibly expected/hoped for. What follows is a countdown of the 25 most incredible jersey/shirseys we found.

25. Doug/Dog Fister: No Verlander jersey in sight, just this poor replica jersey of the Dog Fister himself.

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24. Steve Lombardozzi: Everybody loves scrappy switch-hitting utility players. Get yourself a Lombo jersey.

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2013 NBA Draft Recap, Probably

by Jordan Shusterman

We were out at the Hagerstown Suns game all night, so I have absolutely no clue what happened in the national ballbasket draft, but based on my past knowledge of the sport, I’ll recap the night’s exciting action the best I can. Even if I have no clue who was taken by who when where why what which whatever.

THE PICKS

 THE FIRST PICK – 6″7 Athletic  Player From Marginally Impressive University

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Exciting player with impressive wingspan; plenty of upside; plays basketball; has good relationship with his parents; can dunk; knows how to win; plays the game the right way; has a nice smile; this is an upside play; fantastic athlete; can do a lot of things with the basketball; huge potential

THE SECOND PICK – Fun To Watch Undersized Guard Who Made A Lot Of Big Shots For Big School

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Wow; wow!; whoa; he is fun; makes big shots; he is probably not taller than 5″10 but he has a big heart; wow, he is so fun to watch; he once took 67 shots in one game; he did that thing in that tournament with that basketball; fun to watch

THE THIRD PICK – Incredibly Caucasian Seven-Footer Who Looks Awkward But Is Seven Feet Tall

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Gamer; enjoys basketball; has work to do offensively; can block some shots; is white; is not black; not noticeably athletic; solid defender; we will see how his game translates to the NBA; has long arms because he is tall; his game will not translate to the NBA; is white

THE FOURTH PICK – Mysterious Lanky European Whose Name Would Be Automatic Victory In Scrabble

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: We don’t know; he is athletic; can dunk; he can dunk; did you see that dunk?; look at that dunk; has attractive girlfriend; will stay in Europe because reasons; enjoys gyros; has averaged 4.3 points per game but is definitely a top prospect; is somewhere between the ages of 14 and 23; hates airplanes; will never actually come to the United States

THE FIFTH PICK – That Guy Who Has Overcome So Much To Get To This Point, Wow, How Inspirational

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Incredible story; he has come so far; his background is tragic; he started from the bottom; grew up without one parent; grew up in a bad neighborhood; unclear if he can play basketball but wow, he has come so far; amazing makeup; loves the game; great story; did we mention the adversity he has faced?; can dribble; needs a haircut

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