For the next 30 days, we will be doing a series of bad puns about MLB GM’s. There are 30 GM’s so that’s why it’s 30 days…duh. Each dumb pun will be accompanied by a bad Photoshop.
Ruben Amaro Studdard
Dumb GM Puns, Day 3: Dayton Mormon
For the next 30 days, we will be doing a series of bad puns about MLB GM’s. There are 30 GM’s so that’s why it’s 30 days…duh. Each dumb pun will be accompanied by a bad Photoshop.
Dayton Mormon
What Do Those Acronyms Really Stand For?
Baseball is full of acronyms. Everywhere you look, be it a box score, stadium, or Baseball Prospectus, you see acronyms. These acronyms have meaning to us because we know what they stand for. Those three or four or five letters, when strung together, bring to life a particular image in our head.
But what if they didn’t? What if a baseball writer, let’s call him… Thug Doorburn, had an accident and got amnesia? What would these acronyms come to mean to Thug? How would Thug approach this random alphabet soup? I think it would go a little something like this……
Stat: ERA
What We Think: Earned Run Average
What Thug Thinks: Everyone’s Real Age
Thought Process: “Well, these players have ages” Thug will ponder to himself at night alone on his floral pattern couch. “But are they the real ages….?” Good point, Thug. Good point.
Calculations: Player 1’s Age + Player 2’s age + Player 3’s age…….
League Leader: N/A. This is more of a league wide stat.
Stat: BABIP
What We Think: Batting Average on Balls In Play
What Thug Thinks: Balls that Are Bunted plus Infield Popups
Thought Process: Thug will watch maddeningly as players waste outs with useless bunts. He will realize that the only way to fix this dilemma is to add those bunts to popups to show everyone all the useless outs.
Calculations: It’s pretty self explanatory.
League Leader: Probably either Elvis Andrus or Pete Kozma
Dumb GM Puns, Day 4: Jerry Dipoto Garcia
Dumb GM Puns, Day 5: Megamind Cashman
For the next 30 days, we will be doing a series of bad puns about MLB GM’s. There are 30 GM’s so that’s why it’s 30 days…duh. Each dumb pun will be accompanied by a bad Photoshop
. 
Episode 6: Raul From the Crapper
[audio http://traffic.libsyn.com/cespedesfamilybarbecast/podcast-6.mp3]
It’s the sixth Cespedes Family Barbecast and this one got pretty graphic. We talked to Wendy Thurm (@hangingsliders on the Tweeterz) about Barry Bonds, conflicting fanhoods and Raul Ibanez…but mostly just about Jew stuff. Our e-mails covered hot dog eating contests, baseball raps and obviously Big Poop. Baseball talk was all about the weird trades that went down. I can’t remember anything else and it’s almost 2 AM soooooooo here’s the Barbecast. Oh, and our music this week is only the greatest song of all time and you can find it by clicking here. Thanks for listening <3
Dat facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/CespedesFamilyBBQ
Tweeterz: https://twitter.com/CespedesBBQ
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cespedes-family-barbecue-cespedes/id683535357
#Rig Rankings, Part 1: The #RIGtroduction
#RIG #RIG #RIG #RIG
#rig is more than just a metric or a scouting term or a joke. It’s way of life. It’s everything and nothing at the same time. Our dad Jason Parks described #rig as “#swagger only more penis specific.” We want to take his perfect idea and perfect it, which doesn’t make sense at all.
Over the course of the next couple weeks, The Cespedes Family Barbecue will undergo a journey of sorts. We will sift through the hundreds of baseballers currently baseballing to determine which one has the most #rig. You’ve read all about sabermetrics. Now prepare for some sabRIGmetrics and some analysRIG and stuff.
The ranking process will be made up of categories three:
Photo Evidence
- Are there photos of this player that visually displays his #rig to the baseball world? Evidence is a enormous part of the #rig evaluation process and must not be taken lightly.
Confidence
- Does the player know he has #rig? Does he strut around with the #rig all out and about? When he walks in the room, does the whole room know that the #rig has entered the premises?
On Field #RIG
- Does the player display #rig on the field? Does his #rig play in games? Can I go to a game and appreciate his #rig in person?
We hope you enjoy the show.
Brian Dozier Twerking
Here are all the Brian Dozier pictures in one place:
Picture of Dozier Twerking By Himself
Over-analyzing Gerald Laird’s Chest
Yesterday Braves person Elliot Johnson tweeted a picture of two sets of abdominals. He asked Twitter to determine which midsection stood above the other. One set was impressively ripped and chiseled even though it belonged to the seemingly pudgy Dan Uggla. The other set was Gerald Laird. Laird is the backup catcher for the #BARVES and his midsection looks exactly like you think it would.
This is a stereotypical back up catcher body. You have a protective layer of pudge surrounding everything to protect the innards from harm and baseballs. But beneath the pudge layer and before the innards layer, you find a layer of muscle. If you look closely you can see the lines of his six pac struggling to break free of the pudge layer, but sadly it never will. Gerald Laird has a fantastically strong core, but you’ll never be able to see that because the muscle is forever trapped beneath the layer of pudge.
2013 NBA Draft Recap, Probably
We were out at the Hagerstown Suns game all night, so I have absolutely no clue what happened in the national ballbasket draft, but based on my past knowledge of the sport, I’ll recap the night’s exciting action the best I can. Even if I have no clue who was taken by who when where why what which whatever.
THE PICKS
THE FIRST PICK – 6″7 Athletic Player From Marginally Impressive University
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Exciting player with impressive wingspan; plenty of upside; plays basketball; has good relationship with his parents; can dunk; knows how to win; plays the game the right way; has a nice smile; this is an upside play; fantastic athlete; can do a lot of things with the basketball; huge potential
THE SECOND PICK – Fun To Watch Undersized Guard Who Made A Lot Of Big Shots For Big School
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Wow; wow!; whoa; he is fun; makes big shots; he is probably not taller than 5″10 but he has a big heart; wow, he is so fun to watch; he once took 67 shots in one game; he did that thing in that tournament with that basketball; fun to watch
THE THIRD PICK – Incredibly Caucasian Seven-Footer Who Looks Awkward But Is Seven Feet Tall
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Gamer; enjoys basketball; has work to do offensively; can block some shots; is white; is not black; not noticeably athletic; solid defender; we will see how his game translates to the NBA; has long arms because he is tall; his game will not translate to the NBA; is white
THE FOURTH PICK – Mysterious Lanky European Whose Name Would Be Automatic Victory In Scrabble
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: We don’t know; he is athletic; can dunk; he can dunk; did you see that dunk?; look at that dunk; has attractive girlfriend; will stay in Europe because reasons; enjoys gyros; has averaged 4.3 points per game but is definitely a top prospect; is somewhere between the ages of 14 and 23; hates airplanes; will never actually come to the United States
THE FIFTH PICK – That Guy Who Has Overcome So Much To Get To This Point, Wow, How Inspirational
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Incredible story; he has come so far; his background is tragic; he started from the bottom; grew up without one parent; grew up in a bad neighborhood; unclear if he can play basketball but wow, he has come so far; amazing makeup; loves the game; great story; did we mention the adversity he has faced?; can dribble; needs a haircut
CESPEDES FAMILY BARBECUE 