Here are all the Brian Dozier pictures in one place:
Picture of Dozier Twerking By Himself
Over-analyzing Gerald Laird’s Chest
Yesterday Braves person Elliot Johnson tweeted a picture of two sets of abdominals. He asked Twitter to determine which midsection stood above the other. One set was impressively ripped and chiseled even though it belonged to the seemingly pudgy Dan Uggla. The other set was Gerald Laird. Laird is the backup catcher for the #BARVES and his midsection looks exactly like you think it would.
This is a stereotypical back up catcher body. You have a protective layer of pudge surrounding everything to protect the innards from harm and baseballs. But beneath the pudge layer and before the innards layer, you find a layer of muscle. If you look closely you can see the lines of his six pac struggling to break free of the pudge layer, but sadly it never will. Gerald Laird has a fantastically strong core, but you’ll never be able to see that because the muscle is forever trapped beneath the layer of pudge.
#RIG Rankings, Number 5: Aroldis Chapman
#RIG #RIG #RIG #RIG
#rig is more than just a metric or a scouting term or a joke. It’s way of life. It’s everything and nothing at the same time. Our dad Jason Parks described #rig as “#swagger only more penis specific.” We want to take his perfect idea and perfect it, which doesn’t make sense at all.
Coming in at number 5 on our rig rankings is Cincinnati Reds relief pitcher Aroldis Chapman. With a schlong like kong, he patrols the pitcher’s hump like a man on a mission, but not a Morman mission, a more-man mission.
Photo Evidence:
- Take a closer look at the pictures below and you can see how baseball pants don’t do their job as much as they assist the #rig to explode and explore. Good thing the Cuban national team wore tight red pants. Chapman loses points for how hard I had to look to get these shots. If I google your name, pictures of your wang shebang should be right there waiting for me.
- #RIGrade: 60
Confidence:
- Aroldis did this:
Episode 7: Tuscaloosa Loose Cabooses
It’s here a week after we recorded it but fuck it, we’re in college and have other things to do besides edit podcasts! It’s Barbecast 7 with emergency special guest Chris Rodriguez of Baseball Prospectus. He is barely legal and you can follow him at @chrisrod13 (#FollowCrod). We talked about shitty California League parks and other things almost baseball. Our e-mails obviously included Andrelton and Big Poop. Just your average Barbecast. Oh and for about three minutes we all thought there was a minor league team in Tuscaloosa. We talked about other stuff but I don’t remember what it was because it was a week ago. Enjoy! #CFB
Dat facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/CespedesFamilyBBQ
The Tweeterz: https://twitter.com/CespedesBBQ
iTunes link (rate and review us and subscribe to us and be nice to us): https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cespedes-family-barbecue-cespedes/id683535357
Advanced Pitching Metrics: John McDonald For Cy Young
I don’t have a vote for the Cy Young award, but if I did I would vote for one of these three pitchers.
David Carpenter:
John McDonald:
Ryan Raburn:
In today’s baseball world, strikeouts are key. They are the lifeblood to any good pitcher.
Ground balls are awesome too by the way.
Also important in today’s modern baseball world are rate stats. Counting stats are frowned upon by many, especially those who cannot count.
Therefore the only way to get good stats are to combine these concepts. When we mix rate stats and strikeouts, we get a fantastic stat called K/9. K/9 measures how many strikeouts a pitcher averages every nine innings. Combining ground balls and rate stats creates GB%. These advanced metrics are the basis for my plea to the Cy Young voters: Vote McDonald, vote Raburn, and vote Carpenter. Scratch those names and I’ll scratch you. Nope, that was a bad sentence. Let’s just get on with it.
Angels RHP David Carpenter:
- Carpenter might have a particularly high ERA for a Cy Young candidate as his ERA currently sits at 108.00. At first glance that appears a bit too high to be considered the best pitcher in the league but hold your horses bucko. We all know that ERA is a flawed stat so this number cannot be trusted. His xFIP is almost A HUNDRED points lower. That’s nuts. He just got unlucky this year.
- Carpenter has also been extremely unlucky this year as evidenced by his insane 100% HR/FB rate.
Episode 8: Lana Banana Like Hannah Montana
EPISODE OCHO has arrived and it is probably my favorite episode we’ve ever done. Our super special guest is Lana Berry. If you don’t know who that is then you aren’t reading this because you couldn’t possibly be on the Internet. You can follow Lana @lana but you already knew that. We talked for way too long about Lance Berkman, advice for college, and other baseball related nonsense #followlogdog. Our e-mail segment was longer than ever and we got some good ones. Topics included the Amish Red Sox (see below), Old Man Jake, annoying spelling rules and family Poop talk. Baseball talk was brief due to reasons explained during the podcast. Our musical guest is ALL OF THE IPHONE RINGTONES. No, seriously. Enjoy and thanks for listening <3
Dat facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/CespedesFamilyBBQ
Tweeterz: https://twitter.com/CespedesBBQ
iTunes link (SUBSCRIBE AND RATE AND REVIEW US YEAH): https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cespedes-family-barbecue-cespedes/id683535357
All The Fantastic “Angels In the Outfield” .gifs
My favorite movie ever is Angels in the Outfield. It reminds me of when I was 6 years old and my biggest concern was whether or not Delino DeShields got a hit that day. I recently re-watched and .gifed all the best parts. There are two categories: Triscuitt Messmer and not Triscuitt Messmer.
NOT TRISCUITT MESSMER
George Knox is done with your shenanigans. He’s also done with the post-game spread. Also, what are those red plastics cups doing in the clubhouse? Maybe the Angels sucked in the beginning of the movie because they were too busy partying like teenagers.
This how we all feel when we watch Jose Fernandez. Angels goofball pitcher Whit Bass must have seen into the future or something. Also of note: another player on the Angels with a fish name. First Whit Bass, then Tim Salmon, and now Chris Iannetta.
Triscuitt Messmer
Okay so basically the Angels catcher Triscuitt Messmer is the best thing ever. It’s a Japhet Amador body but behind the dish. He has the social skills of Zack Greinke with Asperger’s and the accent of a bleacher creature. The base running is easily base-clogger status, but his #want is off the charts. Let’s take a closer look at Triscuitt… (also, his name is Triscuitt)
A List Of Unwritten Rules
Here is the list of unwritten rules we’ve been waiting to see for all these years:
Cespedes Family Preview: The Tiebreaker
RAYS!
RANGERS!!!
162 games have deemed themselves irrelevant as the fate of two baseballing establishments boils down (really a gross phrase if you think about it) to one night. If you were looking for legitimate analysis, you clicked on the wrong link bud. Instead, we gave you some funny pictures:
Dragon Darvish
2013 NBA Draft Recap, Probably
We were out at the Hagerstown Suns game all night, so I have absolutely no clue what happened in the national ballbasket draft, but based on my past knowledge of the sport, I’ll recap the night’s exciting action the best I can. Even if I have no clue who was taken by who when where why what which whatever.
THE PICKS
THE FIRST PICK – 6″7 Athletic Player From Marginally Impressive University
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Exciting player with impressive wingspan; plenty of upside; plays basketball; has good relationship with his parents; can dunk; knows how to win; plays the game the right way; has a nice smile; this is an upside play; fantastic athlete; can do a lot of things with the basketball; huge potential
THE SECOND PICK – Fun To Watch Undersized Guard Who Made A Lot Of Big Shots For Big School
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Wow; wow!; whoa; he is fun; makes big shots; he is probably not taller than 5″10 but he has a big heart; wow, he is so fun to watch; he once took 67 shots in one game; he did that thing in that tournament with that basketball; fun to watch
THE THIRD PICK – Incredibly Caucasian Seven-Footer Who Looks Awkward But Is Seven Feet Tall
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Gamer; enjoys basketball; has work to do offensively; can block some shots; is white; is not black; not noticeably athletic; solid defender; we will see how his game translates to the NBA; has long arms because he is tall; his game will not translate to the NBA; is white
THE FOURTH PICK – Mysterious Lanky European Whose Name Would Be Automatic Victory In Scrabble
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: We don’t know; he is athletic; can dunk; he can dunk; did you see that dunk?; look at that dunk; has attractive girlfriend; will stay in Europe because reasons; enjoys gyros; has averaged 4.3 points per game but is definitely a top prospect; is somewhere between the ages of 14 and 23; hates airplanes; will never actually come to the United States
THE FIFTH PICK – That Guy Who Has Overcome So Much To Get To This Point, Wow, How Inspirational
- INSTANT ANALYSIS: Incredible story; he has come so far; his background is tragic; he started from the bottom; grew up without one parent; grew up in a bad neighborhood; unclear if he can play basketball but wow, he has come so far; amazing makeup; loves the game; great story; did we mention the adversity he has faced?; can dribble; needs a haircut
CESPEDES FAMILY BARBECUE 