Author Archives: jakemintz

This Is An Octavio Dotel Appreciation Post

by jakemintz

For those of you that don’t know, Octavio Dotel is awesome. I felt like it was time to let the world know that Mr. Dotel is a savior, a superhero, and a saint. So buckle up, latch in, and get ready because this is about to be a doozy.

Octavio Dotel Has Played For 13 Teams

This segment of Dotel’s legacy has been well documented. The sheer fact that a major league baseball player played for thirteen years is absurd, let alone thirteen teams. I bet the random guy on the street can’t even name thirteen teams. “What is a Rockies?” he would say.

To put the number thirteen in perspective; so you know how it feels like Casper Wells is on a new team every week? Well Casper Wells has played for only five teams, and if you are good at math you know that’s seven less than Dotel’s thirteen.

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Episode 3: I Bless Tim Raines

by jakemintz

[audio http://traffic.libsyn.com/cespedesfamilybarbecast/barbecast-3-bless-tim-raines.mp3]

It’s the third episode of the Barbecast sponsored by Jordan’s 11 year old brother David. Our musical guest this week is unfortunately Jake on the piano again, but we improvised and came up with a fantastic melody for you all to enjoy during the breaks. The e-mails were far from plentiful but they were most definitely interesting; we talked about improved names for home runs, what the ultimate player would look like, and the most important question anyone can ask regarding Mike Trout, Bryce Harper and Giancarlo Stanton. Our special guest is Zach Mortimer (#FollowMort #SingleMortDays) from the press box in Wilmington, Delaware. We talked a bit of baseball and then Mort gave us incredibly emotional advice for our soon-to-be college lives. Baseball talk was limited because we wanted to play MVP Baseball 2004. Thanks for listening <3

iTunes link:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cespedes-family-barbecue-cespedes/id683535357?mt=2

Click here for the RSS feed

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Trade Deadline Grades: Fathers

by jakemintz

Sand Ago Fathers

Players Acquired:

  • Ink Hendy

ANALYSIS:

  • Kennedy has two daughters so this is a move typical of the Padres who are always looking to pick up padres to play for the Padres, you understand compadre?
  • Pitching in Petco means it’ll be much easier for him to pick up supplies for his dog, cat, and three gerbils
  • By going to San Diego, Ian is furthering himself from the career path of his grand uncle John F. Kennedy.

GRADE: 6th

  • You have no idea what you are and neither does anyone else. People keep saying you are a couple of years away but come on, are you really? Probably not. It probably won’t get better for you and you’ll probably just keep picking your nose in class until you turn 35. What does this have to do with baseball? Chicken.

Trade Deadline Grades: Ass Trolls

by jakemintz

Who’s Town Ass Trolls

Players Acquired:

  • Kai Ells Myth
  • Joe Shader
  • L.J. Hoes

ANALYSIS:

  • The Astros are going to have the greatest AAA team of all time in 2016. The citizens of Oklahoma City should get the lube out because it’s going to get hot and heavy.
  • Any time you can pick up hoes, you do it.
  • Did I mention his name is Hoes?
  • Hader is a tall projectable lefty, just like your mom.

GRADE: 11th

  • Get ready for the hardest year of your lives Astros fans. Junior year might be really rough, but don’t worry it gets way better next year. Just tough it out and do your SAT stuff and you’ll be fine.

Trade Deadline Grades: Oreos

by jakemintz

Ball Tomorrow E. Rails

Players Acquired:

  • Blood Nurse

ANALYSIS:

  • The Orioles needed another number three/four type starter because Jason Hammel, Chris Tillman, Wei Yin Chen, Sidney Ponson, Scott Feldman, Miguel Gonzalez, Steve Johnson, and T.J. McFarland weren’t enough…
  • Any time you can dump Hoes, you do it.
  • The problem with Hader was always be that if you make the “d” a “g” it becomes Hager, which is the name of the bad guy from Men In Black. That was what always concerned me.

GRADE: Fourth

  • The Orioles weren’t quite middle school with the move they made today, but they are working on their long division and should be called up to fifth grade by September.

.gifs From Last Night: Walk Off Walk Off Flame

by jakemintz

White Sox vs. Indians

In which Ramon Troncoso realizes he plays for the Chicago White Sox as the fans behind him cheer with glee. I’ll be honest, I had no idea who Ramon Troncoso was before I looked up number 40 on the White Sox, but he certainly sounds like a reliever and this just looks like a reliever who is quite relieved to not be relieving any longer. What a relief. (boooooooooooooooooooo)

Here we see 93 year old Jason Giambi throwing up his helmet and catching it. Clearly he decided that scoring was not the priority here and he just wanted to show everyone on his team that he still has really good hands. (Sidenote: he doesn’t). It’s unclear why the Indians were given the victory seeing as Giambi never scored but I suppose the umpires were so impressed with Jason’s coordination that they decided the deserved the W anyway.

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