The 2013 CFB Name All-Star Team

by Jordan Shusterman

Before the season and before anyone really read our stuff, Jake and I did team-by-team previews for every team in baseball. They had very little analysis and a whole lot of #analysis. You can find them here. One of my favorite parts of these previews was Jake coming up with what we now refer to as CFB Names for every player in each projected starting lineup. I’ve got a few favorites from this absurd collection. These is my personal All-Star team solely based on these names. Warning: they’re REALLY stupid.

CATCHER: My Tweeters

FIRST BASE: Yawn Dora Lawn Zone

SECOND BASE: Triscuits

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The Perfect Game Vault: Part 1

by jakemintz

Just like most human beings, baseball players were young at some point in their lives. I can tell you from experience, being the 17 year old doofus I am, that being young can lead to the making of mistakes. In the case of many current big leaguers, these mistakes were photographs. Photographs that will live on forever on the beautiful thing we call the Internet.

All these wonderful photos were found on perfectgame.org. Accompanying each photo are a few quotes that each player said during their photo shoot (probably).

Brian McCann

“My other undershirt was in the wash. Will this purple turtleneck do?”

“The sun is kind of in my eyes, can we take this photo somewhere else? No? Ok.”

***

Jarrod Saltalamacchia

“So when you take the picture do you want me to look at the camera or through the camera?”

“No… it’s two C’s. No no, s-a-l-t-a… Here let me just spell it for you…”

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Previewing the 2013 Home Run Derpy

by Jordan Shusterman

Several weeks ago, Ian Miller and Riley Breckenridge were talking about the upcoming Home Run Derby on their Prodcast. There was an off-hand comment about how they should have a Home Run Derpy tournament instead. So if we’re stealing the idea…we apologize deeply. But it was a difficult thing to pass up. This isn’t exactly a tournament, but it’s an appreciation of our eight participants in a slightly different manner. It’s a shame Jeff Karstens won’t be the one pitching to them next Monday night. Anyway, let’s get started.

The American League

CAPTAIN: New York Yankees 2B Robinson Cano

Baltimore Orioles 1B Chris Davis

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Chris(t) Davis Hits 34th Home Run, Is Religion

by Andrew Meyer

The Most Holy of Men

Since the dawn of civilization, mankind has looked towards religion as a way to explain the way the world works. While there are differences in all of them, creation myths and deities tend to have significant through-lines, and tonight I feel prepared to publish my explanation as to why this happens. In the past, we have shown that Chris Davis is actually Jesus, but I believe there is more to it than that, that if you look closer, you can find Chris Davis in all religions.

Thor

THORDAVIS

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The Revolution Continues At Wrigley

by jakemintz

There must be something about Dioner Navarro that makes pitchers want to try something new. We’ve already seen Travis Wood and Ryan Cook pull out the backwards pitching method with Navarro involved. This time it was Francisco Liriano who decided that a through-the-legs glove flip was the best way to attack the chubby Pudge.

This is probably the most torque and power we’ve seen so far as Liriano really loads up his core to get as much velocity behind his glove flip as possible. He displays great posture at the moment of release. Watch how his back stays perfectly level as he flicks his glove. It’s amazing how he doesn’t even glance at home plate before releasing the ball. This is definitely an efficient way to hold runners on. Ain’t nobody stealing on this delivery.

A New and Improved Mount Rushmore

by jakemintz

In our last trip to Hagerstown, we watched diminutive second base prospect Tony Renda play the game of baseball. Renda, a part of the Nationals organization, has a healthy crop of players ahead of him at his position. Potentially including top prospect Anthony Rendon. We quickly realized: Rendon renders Renda useless. One thing lead to another and…

…here we have the most beautiful Mount Rushmore you could possible recreate. Tony Renda, Anthony Rendon, Tigers “closer” Bruce Rondon, and the top prospect for the 2014 draft, left-hander Carlos Rodon.

Basically, RDNROENDRONDOENRODNEONRNDENODNENDNDNEORNDNENRN.