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CF: Dinners Plan
3B: Anchor Neon Dome
RF: Chasing Wharf
LF: Bright Sharper
1B: Rains Merman
SS: Yawned Despot
C: Whale Sewn Raw Most
2B: You Knee Hellas Cobra
P: Steep Panned Straws Burned
P: Masked Shirts Hurt
P: Gorge Ants Him Or Mine
P: Gorgonzolas
P: DOG FISTER
Off-season Haiku
Who needs more hitting?
Give Max Scherzer all the cash!
Didn’t do much else.
Farthest Home Run of 2014
Ian Desmond off Ernesto Frieri – 462 feet
Frieri is perhaps the best example of what can go wrong if your upper-90’s fastball lacks any sort of life. He gives up bombs like this ALL DA TIME.
Shortest Home Run of 2014
Adam LaRoche off A.J. Burnett – 336 feet
This absurd home run had like a seven-second hang time.
Best Names in the Farm System
- 1B Kila Ka’aihue
- OF Mark Minicozzi
- RHP Derek Self
- C Spencer Kieboom
- C Andruth Ramirez
- 2B Cutter Dykstra
- OF Delta Cleary Jr.
- RHP Dakota Bacus
- LHP Kylin Turnbull
- 3B Khayyan Norfork
- OF Estarlin Martinez
- OF Will Piwnica-Worms
- RHP Wirkin Esteven
- RHP Wander Suero
- 1B James Yezzo
- OF Narciso Mesa
- RHP Michael Sylvestri
- C Raudy Reed
- C Adderling Ruiz
- 1B Diomedes Eusebio
- 2B Chris Riopedre
- RHP Kida De La Cruz
- RHP D.J. Jauss
- LHP Yorlin Reynoso
- RHP Melvi Salazar
- RHP Maximo Valerio
- RHP Deibi Yrizarri
- C Jakson Reetz
- 3B Younaifred Aguero
- 1B Dionicio Rosario
- OF Aldrem Corredor
- OF Randy Encarnacion
- RHP Aroon Avila
- RHP Angher Cespedes
- RHP Malvin Pena
- RHP Ramses Rosario
- LHP Isaias Silfa
- C Jeyner Baez
- 3B Francys Peguero
- 1B Neivy Pilier
- 1B Davinson Pimentel
- 2B Joshual Ramirez
- OF Telmito Agustin
- OF Aridio Rodriguez
Three Bold Predictions
- To maximize the super-rotation-ness of their super-rotation, the Nationals have Max Scherzer, Stephen Strasburg, and Jordan Zimmermann utilize the classic three-pitchers-in-one-large-trench-coat strategy, Vincent Adultman style. They still manage to be shorter than Doug Fister.
- Frustrated by having to wait for Trea Turner to actually become a National, GM Mike Rizzo orders a covert operation to extract Turner from his Lake Elsinore apartment in the middle the night during the first week of the season.
- Bryce Harper finally faces a pitcher younger than him when 21-year-old Mets second baseman is forced to pitch to Harper during a 23-inning marathon against the Nationals in late April.
CESPEDES FAMILY BARBECUE 