2013 NBA Draft Recap, Probably

by Jordan Shusterman

We were out at the Hagerstown Suns game all night, so I have absolutely no clue what happened in the national ballbasket draft, but based on my past knowledge of the sport, I’ll recap the night’s exciting action the best I can. Even if I have no clue who was taken by who when where why what which whatever.

THE PICKS

 THE FIRST PICK – 6″7 Athletic  Player From Marginally Impressive University

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Exciting player with impressive wingspan; plenty of upside; plays basketball; has good relationship with his parents; can dunk; knows how to win; plays the game the right way; has a nice smile; this is an upside play; fantastic athlete; can do a lot of things with the basketball; huge potential

THE SECOND PICK – Fun To Watch Undersized Guard Who Made A Lot Of Big Shots For Big School

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Wow; wow!; whoa; he is fun; makes big shots; he is probably not taller than 5″10 but he has a big heart; wow, he is so fun to watch; he once took 67 shots in one game; he did that thing in that tournament with that basketball; fun to watch

THE THIRD PICK – Incredibly Caucasian Seven-Footer Who Looks Awkward But Is Seven Feet Tall

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Gamer; enjoys basketball; has work to do offensively; can block some shots; is white; is not black; not noticeably athletic; solid defender; we will see how his game translates to the NBA; has long arms because he is tall; his game will not translate to the NBA; is white

THE FOURTH PICK – Mysterious Lanky European Whose Name Would Be Automatic Victory In Scrabble

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: We don’t know; he is athletic; can dunk; he can dunk; did you see that dunk?; look at that dunk; has attractive girlfriend; will stay in Europe because reasons; enjoys gyros; has averaged 4.3 points per game but is definitely a top prospect; is somewhere between the ages of 14 and 23; hates airplanes; will never actually come to the United States

THE FIFTH PICK – That Guy Who Has Overcome So Much To Get To This Point, Wow, How Inspirational

  • INSTANT ANALYSIS: Incredible story; he has come so far; his background is tragic; he started from the bottom; grew up without one parent; grew up in a bad neighborhood; unclear if he can play basketball but wow, he has come so far; amazing makeup; loves the game; great story; did we mention the adversity he has faced?; can dribble; needs a haircut

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9 Things We Learned at Nationals Park On A Tuesday In June

by Jordan Shusterman

This past Tuesday, Jake and I attended our first major league baseball game of the 2013 season. We watched the Arizona Diamondbacks lose to the Washington Natitudes 7-5 after nine innings of surprisingly mediocre baseball.

Boring game recaps be damned; here are the nine things we learned from this night of based ballz.

1. Wade Miley Is Almost Definitely Related To Miley Cyrus

During batting practice, we were kindly heckling some Diamondbacks players in right field as they shagged fly balls and probably talked about dirty things. At one point, Ian Kennedy and Wade Miley simultaneously drifted back for a fly ball. Kennedy grabbed it, but it was a near collision. After criticizing for their lack of communication, we finally had Wade’s attention. We had to ask.

“WADE ! ARE YOU RELATED TO MILEY ?!”

“What ?”

“You know…Miley…”

“Oh yeah…she’s my sister.”

Case closed.

2. Trevor Cahill Is Large

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When the D-backs starter for the night emerged from the dugout, we were surprised by the sheer size of him. He’s listed at 6″4 220 lbs but he looked to be the biggest player on the team. Just a big dude.

3. There Is No Minimum Height To Be On the Washington Nationals Grounds Crew

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We were sure this was Jose Altuve just doing some adorable charity work, but it seems to just be some lucky kid tasked with carrying a hose around. Sidenote: The Fox Sports West reporter at the bottom of the picture looked remarkably unhappy for the entire game.

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Trip Preview: Day 1

by jakemintz

As some of you know, Jordan and I will be embarking on our crazy trip next week. We will drive over 1,900 miles in the pursuit of whatever it is we are pursuing. We shall chronicle all our adventures on the blog and on the new podcast we plan to start on the trip. In anticipation of these shenanigans, this week I’ll be previewing each of our stops along the way. Hope you enjoy.

Sunday, July 7th

Start Point: Nationals Park

End Point: Somewhere near Toledo

Approximate Milage: 470 Miles

Driving Time: 7 Hours and 33 Minutes

Baseball Stuff: San Diego Padres @ Washington Nationals

Notes: The beginning of the trip might also be what we are most looking forward to; the Baseball Prospectus Nats Park event. We are looking forward to meeting some of the writers and personalities that we look up to and follow. Guys like Jason Parks, Ben Lindbergh, Mark Ferrin, and Andrew Meyer will all be in attendance. Following the event, the Narts tark arn thar Pardrars. Instead of paying for gas we plan on using #natitude to keep my car running for the entire week. After the game, we pull a Joe and head West, with Clinton, Iowa as our next destination. We hope to stop somewhere around Toledo for the night and finish the driving the next morning.

Hate-Watching the 2013 NFL Draft: A Timeline

by Jordan Shusterman

“Come forth young players of the football, and prepare for thy first concussion.”

***

I don’t watch football anymore. I tried to watch the NFL Draft. This is how it went.

7:47 PM: ESPN cuts away to what is most likely their final commercial before the draft begins. There is an intense montage showcasing three athletic looking humans that I have never seen in my life. One of them is named Geno.

7:52 PM: Mel Kiper is yelling at me about Geno’s mobility. They don’t seem to be listing his home to first time, so it’s hard to say how fast he actually is.

7:57 PM:  They’re discussing potential top pick Eric Fisher who is approximately 7″4 and 478 lbs. He apparently plays on the offensive line which I assume is a line of similar 20 grade bodies who only profile at first base.

8:02 PM: Chris Berman seems already be intoxicated and I’m reminded that I know nothing about football anymore. I am delightfully content with this. “It’s as if we’re kicking off the season tonight!”, Berman exclaims. No. Just no.

8:04 PM: Commissioner Roger Goodell gives heartwarming introduction. While attempting to remember the victims of the West, Texas and Boston bombing tragedies, he is booed mercilessly by the drunken ballfoot fans of New York. USA chants break out. What the hell is this?

8:11 PM: Kiper mentions trading down for someone named Ryan Madson. I was almost positive he was on the DL, but maybe he’s draft eligible…? Not sure this would be the best career move for him. While admittedly the role as Angels closer is an intimidating task, entering the League of National Football seems ill-conceived.

8:12 PM: Barkevious Mingo sounds like an awful, awful disease. And is unquestionably straight from Key & Peele.

8:17 PM: The aforementioned unfathomably large Fisher is taken number one overall by the Kansas City Chiefs. It’s nice to be reminded that the #BARVES and the Indians aren’t the only professional teams left offending Native Americans on a daily basis.

8:20 PM: I switch over to the Reds-Nationals game and am instantly more entertained by Bronson Arroyo’s facial hair than anything that has happened in the NFL Draft so far. Bryce Harper doubles down the left field line because duh.

8:31 PM: Berman is yelling random stuff at Kiper and Jon Gruden and they literally don’t know how to respond, resulting in an uncomfortable amount of silence.

8:33 PM: The Raiders trade their pick to the Dolphins for some reason that I don’t care about but man oh man I wish teams could trade draft picks in the MLB draft.

8:35 PM: Miami takes a guy named Dion Jordan who is on the phone in tears and an underwhelming bow-tie. Gruden looks mortified. HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO HIM ?!?!?!?!?! When asked about the trade, Jordan explains to Suzy Kolber “it surprised me, cause it’s my first time”. As opposed to…?

8:43 PM: I’m reminded that a lot of the music played over ESPN football highlights sounds like it’s straight from Mario Kart 64. The E-A-G-L-E-S take another large human named Lane Johnson. Lane’s VIP table in the back includes a young woman with braces (who I can only assume is related to Alcides Escobar) and a short old man with a 70 grade mustache and a cowboy hat.

8:47 PM: Chris Berman compares the draft to playing with Legos. Not sure where to go from here.

8:51 PM: With the fifth pick, The Lions take a guy who is apparently from Ghana named Ezekiel Ansah. He gives who I presume is his mother an extremely slow hug. He has cornrows and is wearing hipster glasses that I’m 83% sure do not have lenses. Wait no, 100% sure. Wow. Apparently he plays football.

8:55 PM: The Cleveland Oranges take Mingo. He looks like a fine upstanding citizen but more importantly HIS NAME IS LITERALLY BARKEVIOUS MINGO. HOW EVEN

9:10 PM: The St. Louis Rams take speedy WR Tavon Austin. Would Tavon be better than Trayvon in center field? These are the vital questions that ESPN fails to ask.

9:17 PM: The Jets are about to draft someone and everyone is going to boo. It’s the excessive pitching change of the NFL Draft.

9:18 PM: The Jets draft someone and everyone boos.

9:27 PM: The Titans, my favorite team as a child (RIP Steve McNair) draft an immense offensive lineman from Alabama who apparently could not find a jersey that fit him during his entire career there. Yay?

9:31 PM: I can’t take it anymore. I’m off to make more Darvish .gifs.

<3

That Awkward Freddy Garcia Thing

by jakemintz

So you get back from a 3 day trip on which you had no wi-fi or access to anything baseball related. Most of your life is the same. Same friends. Your belongings are in check. You generally feel the same. But as you sit and ponder, you recognize something is not right. Something has changed. Is it your teeth? No. Is it the smell of your bedroom? No. Then, all of a sudden you realize:

Freddy Garcia is throwing a no-hitter for the Baltimore Orioles against The The Angels Angels of Anaheim.

Screen Shot 2013-05-04 at 6.13.22 PM

At first, I struggled with this. First of all, I thought Freddy Garcia was still on the Mariners. (What can I say? My mind is stuck in the late 90’s). Second, it was his first start on the Orioles. His “debut”, one might say. Debuts for old dudes are counter-intuitive oxymorons. Freddy Garcia making his Orioles debut would usually fill up the headlines on a regular day, but somehow it slipped through the cracks.

As I watched more, I realized that Freddy on the Orioles was a good thing. It was the melding of two improbable entities. When impossible comes together, wonder blossoms, sparks fly (whenever you smile). Freddy taught me a lot. He taught me that his age didn’t matter. He taught me that beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, genres. Garcia also taught me that change isn’t hard.

Life involves change. People say change is hard. But in baseball, a fastball is hard. A change is slow… stupid. And the only thing slower than a change-up is a Freddy Garcia fastball.

These Cleats Are Made For Walking: One Lonely White Sock

by Jordan Shusterman

Happy Monday. I was really hoping that this far into the season I’d be able to open the FanGraphs leaderboards and see that no qualified hitters had yet to walk but

….oh hello there Jeff Keppinger. What’s that ? YOU HAVEN’T WALKED THROUGH YOUR FIRST 99 PLATE APPEARANCES ?!

*sigh* Meanwhile, Welington Castillo, Endy Chavez, Salvador Perez, Erick Aybar, Colin Cowgill and Luis Cruz all have one walk each, combining for a stellar 6 walks over 424 plate appearances. 

Jesus Montero, people, take a pitch.

First Base Prospects Will Probably Disappoint You

by Jordan Shusterman

Prospects are fun. They allow us to dream on their basic skill sets and imagine greatness eventually produced at the major league level. First base prospects in specific present a certain type of vision. While the offensive standard for first basemen of late has plummeted, we still want that .300/.400/.500 type slugger at first for our favorite teams. It’s a commodity that has become increasingly hard to find over the last few years. We’re all still waiting for Eric Hosmer to break out. Yonder Alonso has yet to really show anything and Anthony Rizzo still struggles mightily against lefties. Paul Goldschmidt has been very impressive so far but not many people saw this level of production coming. The only true high-end first base prospect in the minors today is Jonathan Singleton for the Astros.

With the help of the free archives of Baseball Prospectus (specifically Kevin Goldstein ‘s scouting reports from his Top 11 lists), I’m gonna look back a few years. This was a time with several high end first base prospects on the rise. These were supposed to be superstar level talents, getting on base at high clips and hitting for plenty of power. This is not meant to discredit Baseball Prospectus in any way; all five of these players were highly regarded throughout the industry.

Daric Barton, Oakland Athletics (2008):

barton 2008

Just a glowing report. He’s gonna bring offensive firepower to Oakland for years to come. No doubt. FLAWLESS PLATE-DISCIPLINE.

Daric Barton, Oakland Athletics (2013):

Besides a freak 2010 season, in which he expressed his “flawless plate-discipline” in the form of a major league leading 110 walks, Barton has yet to show much of the hitting acumen he was praised for as a prospect. He has yet to play a game for Oakland this season, and has 27 career home runs through 1,901 career plate appearances. He has slugged .371 for his career. Daric Barton is 27 years old.

Lars Anderson, Boston Red Sox (2009):

lars 2009

An elite offensive talent. Maturity and intelligence well beyond his years. He’s going to mash.

Lars Anderson, Chicago White Sox (2013): 

Anderson got 56 major league plate appearances over three years with the Red Sox in which he posted a .455 OPS. Last summer, the Sox finally gave up on Anderson and traded him to Cleveland for a knuckleballer named Steven Wright. Several months later, he was traded to Arizona. After that, he was DFA’d by Arizona, claimed by the White Sox, DFA’d by the White Sox, claimed by the Blue Jays, and finally traded back to the White Sox this April. He is currently slugging .267 at Triple-A Charlotte. Lars Anderson is 25 years old.

Matt LaPorta, Cleveland Indians (2009):

laporta 2009

The key piece in the Sabathia deal (!!!!!!). Plus-plus power to all fields. Cleanup hitter on a championship-level team.

Matt LaPorta, Cleveland Indians (2013): 

LaPorta has pretty much exhausted all of his opportunities to start for the Indians. He’s got a career OBP of .301 through 1068 plate appearances, with his “plus-plus power to all fields” only producing 31 home runs. He has not played a single game for Cleveland this season. Matt LaPorta is 28 years old.

Brett Wallace, St. Louis Cardinals (2009):

wallace 2009

Outstanding hand/eye coordination. Enough arm for the hot corner (!!!!!!!!!!!!!). He’ll be among the league leaders in batting average.

Brett Wallace, Houston Astros (2013): 

Outstanding trade bait indeed, as Wallace was traded three times before landing in Houston.  Since making his debut in 2010, Wallace has posted an OPS of .682 through 818 plate appearances. Both FanGraphs and Baseball-reference have Wallace at well below replacement level for his career. Before being optioned to Triple-A, Wallace started the 2013 season 1-24 with 17 strikeouts. Brett Wallace is 26 years old.

Justin Smoak, Texas Rangers (2009):

smoak 2009

An impact hitter in the middle of a lineup. Power from both sides of the plate. Let’s face it, HE’S GOING TO HIT.

Justin Smoak, Seattle Mariners (2013):

Since being traded to Seattle for CLIFF LEE in 2010, Smoak has disappointed the Mariners and their fans to the point that I’m not sure I’m gonna be able to get through this paragraph without getting emotional. Smoak has shown flashes of competency but has mainly expressed his appreciation for groundouts and lazy flyouts through the form of a .372 career slugging percentage over 1,500 plate appearances. As one of 17 first base/designated hitters on the Mariners, I’m curious to see how much playing time he gets this year as the season goes on. HE CAN’T BE THIS BAD. Justin Smoak is 26 years old.

***

IN CONCLUSION…baseball is hard. It’s easy to look back at these failed prospects and get frustrated with what never came to be. I think it’s also a way to appreciate how incredibly difficult major league baseball is. Justin Smoak is a horrendous major league baseball player but holy crap he is an amazing baseball player. It’s never stressed enough how insanely hard it is to succeed at the highest level of this sport. There are success stories, and there are these five players. All five player reached the major league level. And sure, over a combined 5,384 plate appearances they’ve only hit 122 home runs (one every 44 at-bats). And sure, they’ve amassed an astonishingly low total of 6.9 b-ref WAR and 3.5 FanGraphs WAR (which is even more nuts when you realize that Daric Barton’s 2010 alone was worth 5.4 wins and 4.8 wins respectively). But they reached a level that thousands upon thousands of players will never even sniff. Baseball is hard.

 

Barry Bonds Walked A Lot

by Jordan Shusterman

Jake called me yesterday and informed me that he’s been spending this week hiking over 50 miles. “That’s a lot of walking”, I thought. Do you know who else did a lot of walking ? Barry Lamar Bonds.

For his career, Barry Bonds drew 2,558 unintentional walks and 688 intentional walks. He is the all-time leader in both categories. In other words, Barry Bonds walked over 55 MILES as a major leaguer.

So there’s that.