As you might know, we enjoy going to Hagerstown Suns games. They are the Low-A affiliate of the Washington Nationals. There is a fantastically awesome outfielder on their current roster named Will Piwnica-Worms. No, seriously.
Twas a glorious book from our childhood and was later turned into a movie. It’s How To Eat Fried Piwnica-Worms.
We were all thinking it. Your favorite Padres shortstop has reached his peak. It’s Mount Everth.
Just started following @CespedesBBQ. Hilarious. I highly recommend. #ChristDavis
— Jason Parks (@ProfessorParks) July 7, 2013
So, today the three of us were at the Baseball Prospectus event at Nationals Park (Jordan and Jake are currently traveling towards Akron, Ohio, with the goal to get to Clinton, Iowa, because they are crazy people), and we basked in the glory of Mike Mason Milhouse Malcolm Mark Ferrin, Jason Cole, Joe Hamrahi, a war-torn Jay Jaffe, Zach Mortimer, and other BP writers and associates. Internet friends came out in force for the event, which also featured incredibly handsome Nationals Front Office members, and others. Oh wait I forgot someone who was there….. Oh yeah, the one shining star of Baseball Prospectus the entire internet, Jason Parks. We ended up talking with Parks, and for some dumb reason he checked out the blawg, and for reasons we still are not sure of, liked it.
Our Twitter following is surging and we are getting our largest number of page views for a day that does not involve Chris Davis wearing no shirt. Praise be unto you all.
From the depths of the unfathomably bad strikeout rates and contact issues, He Is Risen.
Happy America Day.
This past Tuesday, Jake and I attended our first major league baseball game of the 2013 season. We watched the Arizona Diamondbacks lose to the Washington Natitudes 7-5 after nine innings of surprisingly mediocre baseball.
Boring game recaps be damned; here are the nine things we learned from this night of based ballz.
1. Wade Miley Is Almost Definitely Related To Miley Cyrus
During batting practice, we were kindly heckling some Diamondbacks players in right field as they shagged fly balls and probably talked about dirty things. At one point, Ian Kennedy and Wade Miley simultaneously drifted back for a fly ball. Kennedy grabbed it, but it was a near collision. After criticizing for their lack of communication, we finally had Wade’s attention. We had to ask.
“WADE ! ARE YOU RELATED TO MILEY ?!”
“What ?”
“You know…Miley…”
“Oh yeah…she’s my sister.”
Case closed.
2. Trevor Cahill Is Large
When the D-backs starter for the night emerged from the dugout, we were surprised by the sheer size of him. He’s listed at 6″4 220 lbs but he looked to be the biggest player on the team. Just a big dude.
3. There Is No Minimum Height To Be On the Washington Nationals Grounds Crew
We were sure this was Jose Altuve just doing some adorable charity work, but it seems to just be some lucky kid tasked with carrying a hose around. Sidenote: The Fox Sports West reporter at the bottom of the picture looked remarkably unhappy for the entire game.
Unspecified Relative: “Jason Giambi is still playing baseball?”
Me: “Yeah. He’s DHing for the Indians this year. He could have been the Rockies coach.”
Relative: “Isn’t he like 43?”
Me: “Yeah, he’s old. He also loves strip clubs.”
Relative: “Cool. Let’s go eat dinner.”
Me: “Sounds good. I like dinner.”
Like most people, Jason Giambi has aged. He has gotten older on a yearly basis since birth. These are pictures that chronicle said journey from adorable Alaskan Sweetheart to A’s A-Hole to Skanky Yankee to Old Dude.
1990
Last night, Padres first baseman/outfielder/resident gargantuan scored the tying run in the bottom of the ninth when Carlos Ruiz allowed a passed ball. In the bottom of the tenth, Blanks hit a walk-off single with the bases loaded to win the game for San Diego. None of this matters because I’ve been waiting for Kyle Blanks to do something interesting just to remind everyone that
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.” – Sandlot.
Every baseball career is, at some point, supposed to come to an end. For my dad, that year was 1978. After his senior year on the JFK High School varsity baseball team, he knew that he would probably never step back onto the diamond for a competitive game of ball. He knew it was time to hang em up and focus on things he was way better at. It turns out that Richard Mintz’s career wasn’t over that fateful day in 1978. He would have one last moment in the sun.
Hall of Fame Bound
I play for a baseball team called the Tenleytown Brewers. We play in an adult wood bat baseball league in the Washington DC Area. We have a roster of about 15 guys, but most nights we usually scrape by with nine dudes. The teams we play consist of guys trying to hold on to their dreams, which is equally depressing as it is entertaining. Last night was Saturday night, and considering that the majority of our roster is made up of guys in their early to mid 20’s who had better things to be doing on a Saturday night, we were short a player.
I called our coach, RJ, who also happens to be our third baseman and relief pitcher, to see if my dad would be needed to fill in as our ninth guy. He texted back: “We. Need. Richard.” So I gave dad the biggest pair of baseball pants I could find and we hopped in the car and drove out to McLean, VA.
Recently, terms like Puigmania and Puigsanity have floated around the inter-webs. These conditions are serious and must be taken completely seriously. While not deadly, all Puig-related diseases are extremely contagious. Here is a real list of other “Puig-seases” to watch out for.
Puig-arrhea: Symptoms include an uncontrollable urge to release Puigs in various places.
Puig-abetes: Watch how much Puig you intake because it could effect your blood sugar.
The Chicken Puigs: Tiny Puigs will break out all over your body. Don’t scratch unless you want scars.
ADHPuig: You won’t be able to pay attention to anyone else but Puig.
O-Puig-sity: Nearly two thirds of Americans suffer from this. It’s only getting worse.
Scarlet Puig-ver: If you have heat flashes that only Cuban athletes can satisfy, seek immediate help.
Puig-raines: A splitting Puig-ache. You have a constant need to swing at the first thing that comes anywhere near you.
Puig-atosis: You breath will start to smell like Puig. And that’s something nobody wants to be around.
Puig-monia: You’ll be vomiting up Puigs for days. Highly unpleasant.
Puig-ingitis: Little Puigs crawl up and down your spinal cord and swing violently at each vertebrae as if they’re first pitch fastballs.
Her-Puigs: It’s exactly what you think it is, and it’s awful. Use protection.
Puig-rectile Dysfunction (PD): If you have a Puig longer than four hours, contact your doctor.
So I was at my grandfather’s house the other day cleaning up some of his old stuff in the basement. As I sifted through piles of aged rubbish, I couldn’t help but think that there might be something valuable for me to find. Lo and behold, under a pile of 30 year old pharmacy receipts, I found something wonderful. Something incoherently perfect. Something bold, beautiful, and bicep-laden. I found new Chris Davis photos. Total coincidence that he hit two bombs today. Drool at your own safety.
This pic shows Davis in peak physical shape; his 8-pac bulging out of his Thor-like chest.
CESPEDES FAMILY BARBECUE 