These Cleats Are Made For Walking: A New Contender

by Jordan Shusterman

Don’t have a ton of time for today’s walk-total mockery, but I have to point out a certain Yankee who is following in Kepp’s footsteps.

The New York Yankees recently called up third baseman David Adams from Triple-A. He was sporting a solid .897 OPS there before being called up, but Adams has begun has major league career with zero walks through his first 71 plate appearances. 

He’ll have to work on that. In other news, our hero Jeff Keppinger didn’t manage a walk for the second consecutive week, keeping his total at two through 201 plate appearances. 

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The Most Predictable CFB Post of All Time: The Best Names of the 2013 MLB Draft

by Jordan Shusterman

You were expecting a list of the best names from this year’s First Year Player Draft ?

Arizona Diamondbacks: 

  • Pick #300: RHP Jimmie Sherfy – University of Oregon (Oregon)
  • Pick #750: RHP Bud Jeter – Presbyterian College (South Carolina)
  • Pick #840: RHP Jimmy Shuttlesworth – Faulkner University (Alabama)
  • Pick #900: 2B Denver Chavez – Cal Poly-San Luis Obispo (California)
  • Pick #1050: RHP Tyler Toyfair – University of Massachusetts Lowell (Massachusetts)

Atlanta #BARVES:

  • Pick #223: RHP Ian Stiffler – Somerset Senior High School (Pennsylvania)
  • Pick #283: 3B Dylan Manwaring – Horseheads High School (New York)
  • Pick #313: 3B Ian Hagenmiller – Palm Beach Central High School (Florida)
  • Pick #793: RHP Dakota Dill – Sul Ross State University (Texas)
  • Pick #913: RHP Sterling Sharp – North Farmington High School (Michigan)

Baltimore Orioles:

  • Pick #61: C Chance Sisco – Santiago High School (California)
  • Pick #399: RHP Jimmy Yacabonis – Saint Joseph’s University (Pennsylvania)
  • Pick #909: SS Federico Castagnini – Creighton University (Nebraska)
  • Pick #1029: RHP Parker Bugg – Rancho Bernando High School (California)
  • Pick #1179: LHP Augey Bill – University of Arizona (Arizona)

Boston Red Sox:

  • Pick #45: RHP Teddy Stankiewicz – Seminole State University (Oklahoma)
  • Pick #233: OF Forest Allday – University of Central Arkansas (Arkansas)
  • Pick #713: 3B Jantzen Witte – Texas Christian University (Texas)
  • Pick #743: RHP Derik Beauprez – Cherry Creek High School (Colorado)
  • Pick #923: 1B Ryan Rippee – Jefferson College (Missouri)

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Jake’s Draft Trinkets

by jakemintz

Hello all. The draft! Yay!!!!

Houston Astros: March Apple

  • I totally thought Kevin died, good to see he lives on.
  • I’m sure Appel will fit in great in the most Christian city in America? Maybe?
  • I love Appel’s floor almost as much as Appel loves Jesus Christ.

Chicago Cubs: Crisp Rye Ant

  • Kerry Wood in the house is giving everyone the sads.
  • Two Christs in a row.
  • “Jayson Werth, Troy Glaus, and Pat Burrell rolled into one.”

Colorado Rockies: Joan Ass Thing Ray

  • Think about just how far he could throw in Coors.
  • Can’t tell if this is a Superman ad or Gray’s fastball. Huzzah.

Minnesota Twins: Cold Steward

  • Good to see Tony Oliva’s wilting face.
  • From Tomball, Texas, which sounds like a game Tom made up.
  • Player Comparison: Josh Beckett (Does that mean he golfs and acts like a drunk hobo too? Go Twins!)

Cleveland Indians: Clit Rager

  • Rumor around town is that Indians will take hometown kid Sitting Bull.
  • Do you want some sushi with that ginger?
  • That is the least Indian looking Indian ever, besides Nick Swisher.
  • Frazier is clearly ecstatic to be going to Cleveland… said no one ever.

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A Puig of Their Own

by jakemintz

So I kind of took a break with the whole photo-shopping thing for a couple reasons. I don’t think I’m that good at it, they are extremely cheesy, and they take up a lot of time. Recently, Jordan has been on me about doing more of them so I finally gave in. So without further ado, I present to you the newest Hollywood Blockbuster about one ragtag dreamer who dared to believe: A Puig of Their Own.

.gifs From Last Night: Bartolo Colonoscopy

by jakemintz

Athletics vs. Brewers

Two weird teams played each other last night in Milwaukee, which is a city I always need spell-check for. The A’s won 5-1, but that wasn’t the most important moment of the game, not even close. Bartolo Colon is old and silly and slightly chubby, but none of those attributes explain what he is glaring at in the .gif above. What is it? CFB is going to try to unravel this mystery once and for all. We’ve narrowed it down to three possibilities:

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Highlighting the Worst Hats In Baseball: Round One

by Andrew Meyer

All of these hats are better than what is coming

By Andrew Meyer

Hello CFB readers. While Jake gave me an introduction earlier, I was (and still am) busy with school, and thus posting has been something hard to get around too while I work on projects/have panic attacks/wonder why the inevitable heat death of the universe is so far off.

I will do a formal introduction later on, but there is something much more important to discuss. Hats.

But while most talk of hats is joyous, there is also the dark side of hats, and the goal of this series is to highlight the worst that can be offered. Since this is the first entry, I will keep it short, plus I should be writing an English paper right now.

Note, it is “straw textured”

First off we have….. this…. wow. It’s official name is Miami Marlins MLB Straw-Fit Cap, and it is $38, and is 70% Paper. Never wear this outside, in any situation actually. The Marlins are kind of an easy target, and there are several other ones on the store that are worthy of inclusion, but this….. wow. It actually is not the worst Marlins hat I have ever seen, but it is close. Who is this targeted toward?  Like really? I cannot handle this. MORE THAN HALF OF THIS IS PAPER, THIS HAT HAS 20 GRADE DURABILITY. The actual Marlins Logo also looks bootleg here, and if they are going for this aesthetic, why use the default colors? Like, how does this happen?

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.gifs From Last Night: Adam and Torii

by jakemintz

Tigers vs. Orioles

  • Either Torii just saw Prince Fielder’s man boobs, or he messed with an umpire.
  • It would have been awesome to see the umpire lift all of Torii Hunter up with one hand.
  • It’s good to know that there’s another Jim Leyland running around Detroit. And it’s good to know that he’s laughing at the umpire too.
  • Was he always bald…

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These Cleats Are Made For Walking: Jeff Keppinger Is Still Amazing

by Jordan Shusterman

We’re about nine weeks into the 2013 season, and every player with at least 70 plate appearances have managed at least two walks. Doesn’t mean we can’t mock those at the bottom of my favorite leaderboard ! Let’s take a quick look.

Our all-time favorite Jeff Keppinger didn’t manage a single walk last week. He’s up to 190 plate appearances and still has only two walks. 

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